How to Vet and Verify Members of a Lifestyle Club

This guide is for owners of private, members-only lifestyle clubs in the US and Canada. It covers the review: everything between an application arriving and a new member's first night. It gives you a process to write down and the checks to run. It also covers deciding fairly and lawfully, saying no, and what to keep afterward.

What to ask on the form is in the membership application questions. What to do when a member turns out not to be who they said is in how to spot and remove fake profiles. Setting up the club itself is in how to start a lifestyle club. This is general information, not legal advice.

Write your review process down

Write the steps down once, so every application gets the same treatment, whoever reviews it. The same steps for everyone are also your answer if someone says they were treated differently.

Who reviews

Name one or two reviewers: you, a manager or a small committee. One reviewer owns each application from arrival to decision. If they know the applicant personally, someone else takes it. Review on set days, such as Monday and Thursday, and tell applicants how long a decision takes.

The steps, in order

1. Nothing missing: every required answer, a photo and, for a couple, both partners.
2. The photo, checked against the profile photos.
3. The referral, confirmed with the member who gave it.
4. The call, if your process has one.
5. Any record check you've chosen, run the same way for everyone in that membership type.
6. The decision: approve, ask for more or decline.
7. The message, sent the day you decide.
8. The record: what you decided, when, and who decided.

When a second person decides

A second reviewer looks before you:

• Decline anyone.
• Waive a requirement, such as the photo.
• Act on anything a record or registry check turned up.
• Approve someone you removed or declined before.
• Approve someone a member has raised a concern about.

Check what the applicant tells you

The verification photo against the profile

Compare them by eye. Look for:

• The same faces as the profile photos and, for a couple, both partners in one photo.
• A recent photo, not a studio shoot or one from years ago.
• Faces you can see, without sunglasses, masks or heavy filters.

If it doesn't match, ask for another photo before you decide. Never upload a verification photo to a search engine or a face-matching service. Only your staff should see it.

Couples: both real, both willing

• Both real: both partners in the photo, both on the call if you hold one, and both with ID on the first night.
• Both willing: hear each partner say, in their own words, why they want to join. If one partner answers everything, ask the other directly. If one seems unsure, tell them they're welcome to apply when they're both ready.

A couple's profile that turns out to be one person is a false application. The fake profiles guide covers what to do then.

A short call or video chat

Some clubs meet applicants on a short call or video chat before they decide. Keep it to 10 or 15 minutes, with both partners for a couple, and say beforehand what you'll ask.

What to ask:

• How did you hear about us, and who do you know here?
• What are you hoping to find at [club]?
• Have you been to a lifestyle club before?
• Have you read our house rules and consent policy? What questions do you have?
• For a couple, each partner: why do you want to join?

What not to ask:

• Anything about their health, such as test results.
• Anything intimate, or what they like in detail.
• Their religion, disability, sexual orientation or gender identity, unless the answer changes something. An answer you didn't need can look like the reason for a no.
• To show ID on camera, or to send a photo of it.

Don't record the call or take screenshots. Your notes are enough.

References and sponsors

When an applicant names a member, contact that member yourself, through the details you already hold. Ask:

• How long have you known them, and how?
• Have you met both partners?
• Would you be glad to see them at the club?
• Could you be there on their first night?

Tell the member only that the person applied, never what they wrote. And expect what the member says to reach the applicant. In British Columbia, an applicant can ask for what you hold about them. You can't reveal who gave it, though, unless that person agrees (BC PIPA, s. 23). In Quebec, you generally need the applicant's consent to collect information about them from someone else (Quebec private sector privacy act, s. 6). One line on your form covers it: "I agree that [club] may contact the member who referred me."

Social media

A look at public profiles can confirm the applicant is real and the photos are their own. Keep to that purpose:

• Say on your form that you may look at public profiles.
• Look only at what's public. Don't use a fake account, send a request or ask for a password.
• Match the face and the city, not just the name. British Columbia's privacy commissioner warns that checks can land on the wrong person, or on an account an impostor set up (BC OIPC).
• Note only what affects your decision, and save no screenshots.

Background checks and registries

A few clubs say they check applicants against a public sex-offender registry, or may run a criminal background check. Decide whether you need either. If you do, run it for everyone in that membership type, and say so on your form.

A report from a screening company (US). When a check comes through a consumer reporting agency, the Fair Credit Reporting Act applies:

• Get the applicant's written instruction to obtain the report (15 U.S.C. §1681b).
• If the report plays any part in a no, tell the applicant. Give the agency's name, address and phone number, and say that it didn't make the decision and can't explain it.
• Tell them they can get a free copy of the report within 60 days, and dispute anything wrong in it (15 U.S.C. §1681m).

A public registry search. The search is free, but checking the result is your job. The national registry site doesn't guarantee its information, and warns users to verify it (NSOPW). Some states also limit its use. California allows its registry to be used "only to protect a person at risk". Otherwise, it bars using the registry for a business's services (California Department of Justice). Ask a lawyer in your state before you screen against one.

Name matches. A shared name isn't a match. Before you act on any result:

1. Match the name, the date of birth and the photo.
2. Have a second person look at it.
3. Let the applicant respond, privately, before you decide.

In Canada, the national registry isn't public, and a police record check needs the person's consent. The application questions guide has the Canadian rules.

Age

You can ask for an age confirmation on the form, but the check happens at the door: ID, in person, for everyone. Look at it, match the face and the date of birth, and hand it back. Don't ask for ID with the application or on a call, and keep no copy. The application questions guide explains why copies are a risk.

Decide fairly and lawfully

Criteria you could show an applicant

Decide on what applicants do and agree to, not on who they are. Write the criteria down. A set to adapt:

• Their answers and photo check out.
• For a couple, both partners are real and both want to join.
• They agree to your house rules and consent policy.
• A referral, if they named one, confirmed them.
• The membership type they chose has room.

When one fails, ask for more or decline, and record which one.

What you publish, and what you write

Laws on places open to the public protect traits such as sex, marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion and disability. Some make the notice itself unlawful, whatever happens at the door. New York bars a place open to the public from posting or mailing a notice that a sex or marital status is unwelcome (N.Y. Exec. Law §296). Ontario bars publishing a notice that shows an intention to discriminate (Ontario Human Rights Code, s. 13).

So describe your membership types, not who is unwelcome: Couples, Singles, By invitation. Take the same care in your messages: a decline should never give a protected trait as its reason. Prices that differ by sex have their own rulings, in the pricing guide's legal section.

The private-club exemption has limits

US federal law covers race, color, religion and national origin. It exempts a private club only if the club is "not in fact open to the public" (42 U.S.C. §2000a). Courts judge that from what a club does: whether membership is selective, sold at the door or advertised to anyone (how courts decide). Approving every applicant before a first visit, under written rules, is part of what they look for.

State and provincial laws have their own tests. Ontario lets a recreational club restrict access by age, sex, marital status or family status. That doesn't extend to sexual orientation, gender identity or disability, and the code doesn't define a recreational club (Ontario Human Rights Code, s. 20).

Ask for more, or say no

Asking for more

Before you decline over something an applicant could fix, ask. Ask for one thing at a time, say why, and say how long you'll wait.

Inviting a couple to a call:

Hi [alias], thank you for applying to [club]. Before we decide, we'd like to meet you both on a short video call, about 15 minutes. Do any of these times suit you: [times]? We'll ask how you found us and what you're hoping for, and answer your questions.

When a referral hasn't confirmed:

Hi [alias], we haven't been able to confirm your referral with [member's alias] yet. Is there another member who knows you both? If not, we'd be glad to meet you on a short call instead.

Saying no

Two rules ask you to tell an applicant something specific. If a consumer report played any part, send the FCRA notice above. In Quebec, if software alone made the decision, you must say so and, on request, give the reasons (Quebec private sector privacy act, s. 12.1). Otherwise, whether to give a reason is your choice:

• The same line for everyone, with no reason. It leaves nothing to argue with.
• A reason, only when they can act on it, such as a missing photo. Then it's a request for more, not a no.
• Never a reason about who they are: their sex, age, marital status, sexual orientation or anything else the law protects.

Not now:

Hi [alias], thank you for applying to [club]. We're not able to offer you a membership at this time. You're welcome to apply again after [month]. We wish you well.

No:

Hi [alias], thank you for your interest in [club]. We've reviewed your application and decided not to offer you a membership. This decision is final. We wish you well.

Write every message as if the applicant will read it

That includes your notes, messages between your staff and what a reference told you. In Canada, keep the information you used to decide long enough for the applicant to see it. They may use it to challenge the decision (Office of the Privacy Commissioner of Canada). Write facts you could stand behind: "Asked twice for a photo of both partners; no reply", not "something felt off".

Records after a decision

Keep a short decision record for each application:

• The date, the membership type, who reviewed it and who decided.
• The criterion that decided it, in neutral words.
• The messages you sent, including any FCRA notice.

For a declined applicant, keep that record and the application for a set period, then delete both, with every copy and backup. Background reports, photos, answers and call notes go with them. How long:

• British Columbia and Quebec: at least one year after the decision, so the applicant can ask to see what you used (BC PIPA, s. 35; Quebec act, s. 11).
• Elsewhere in Canada: long enough for the applicant to see and challenge the decision (Privacy Commissioner of Canada).
• US: no general law sets a period. Pick one, such as a year, and write it down.

If your decline invites a new application after a date, keep the applicant's name, email and that date until then, so you recognize it.

The first night is the last check

Before they arrive:

• Tell your door staff the name the newcomer goes by. Their photo is on file.
• If a member sponsored them, ask that member to meet them at the door.
• Name a host to give them the tour.

At the door:

• Check each person's ID in person, against the photo on file and the date of birth. Then hand it back.
• For a couple, both partners are there.
• If something doesn't match, don't check them in. Say: "I'm sorry, the details we have for you don't match, so we can't check you in tonight. We'll email you tomorrow."

Inside:

• Walk them through your house rules and consent policy, and ask them to confirm they agree.
• Introduce them to their host and to a few members.

After:

• Ask the door and the host how it went, and note anything that matters.
• Send a short welcome the next day, and say who to contact if something goes wrong.

Vetting on Enclave

On Enclave, every membership a member starts on their own needs your approval. Pending applications appear under Needs attention on your dashboard. Each membership type can have its own application questions and require a verification photo. Only your staff and the member see that photo, and your door staff see it when they scan the member's pass.

Your staff approve an application, reject it or request more information. The applicant answers in your members' area, and the application comes back to you. When approving, your staff can waive the photo, and the reason is recorded in the audit log. Applicants pay only once you've approved them. Invitation-only membership types appear only to the contacts you invite, and accepting still goes through approval. Members go by an alias, and their real names stay with your staff.

Frequently asked questions

Who should review membership applications?

One or two named people, such as the owner and a manager. One reviewer handles each application. A second person reviews before any decline, any waived requirement and any decision based on a background or registry check.

Can a lifestyle club run background checks on applicants?

Through a screening company, only with the applicant's written instruction. If the report plays a part in a no, the Fair Credit Reporting Act requires a notice. Some states limit how public sex-offender registries may be used, so ask a lawyer first.

Does a club have to tell an applicant why they were declined?

Generally not. The exceptions are the FCRA notice, when a consumer report played a part, and Quebec's rule for decisions made entirely by software. If you give a reason, never make it a trait the law protects.